When a person becomes emotionally involved with another, often times money is spent. Gifts, meals together, hotel rooms, and more add up quickly. Though missing money may indicate problems other than adultery such as gambling, drinking, pornography, and more, know that secretly spent money nearly always means trouble. Because most affairs involve emotional connection to another person, a spouse having an affair typically reduces emotional closeness with the spouse. Early in an emotional involvement with another, a husband or wife may increase emotional interaction with his or her mate for a couple reasons.
12 Signs of Cheating
One is that the new involvement intensifies all emotions. The other is guilt. Hugs, kisses, tender phrases, and comfortable conversations taper off. Lovemaking decreases and may cease altogether. While there may be other causes for missing emotional connection than infidelity, any dramatic reduction needs examination. The lessening may not happen rapidly. Therefore, sometimes a person does not realize it while it happens, but eventually becomes aware.
From my perspective working with marriages, I perceive missing time, money, or affection as indicators of a problem. If sufficient doubt exists and there are clues or proof of an affair, the worried spouse needs to express his fears. The important thing is that the anxious spouse communicates her need for reassurance and then gives him the opportunity to give that assurance.
If he responds with anger, strong defensiveness, evasiveness, or by attacking, she should consider whether his response reasonably reflects the situation. For example, if her seeking assurance came across as an attack, it may be understandable that he reacted badly and with defensiveness. If so, then she should change her approach and try again after some time has passed, making effort not to attack but to communicate her fears.
If he continues to react negatively, she should consider going another step to discover why he refuses to answer honestly or to reassure her about their relationship. She will agree to reasonable accountability for time, money, and more. As she does, fears quickly subside and the relationship secures itself.
If she refuses to offer adequate reassurance or to become accountable until security reestablishes itself, she demonstrates a lack of concern about continuing the marriage.
So, how can you catch a cheating spouse?
If you fear that your spouse is straying due to rational clues and proof, and she does not offer reassurance and accountability to provide you peace, there are steps you can take to investigate. However, before taking those steps, please understand the potential negative consequences. Private detectives, phone line recorders, software to record keystrokes, GPS trackers, and more offer means to discover everywhere your spouse goes and everything he does.
Using any or all of them may gather evidence of cheating and unfaithfulness.
How Often Do Husbands Cheat on Their Wives?
If you wish to catch your spouse and use the information to get a divorce that favors you financially or otherwise, they work well. If it is because you want to save your marriage that you desire knowing whether your spouse is cheating, using any of these tools may do more harm than good. If your spouse is cheating and you catch him, expect him to react angrily and with great offense. Though he broke your covenant, he will resent the actions or tools you used to catch him. That does not mean that using those tools makes your marriage unsalvageable, or even that using them would anger him more than catching him accidentally.
It does mean that you should not be surprised if he becomes furious that you used them. If they help you bring the affair to light, perhaps using them is good. If they so offend your spouse that he leaves you, you may have done nothing more than speed his abandoning your for his lover. If they cause him to act rashly, you may have sealed the destruction of a marriage that might have been saved. Unfortunately, there is no possibility of knowing in advance how he might react to your actions.
Expressing yourself is necessary to resolving your doubts; secretly sleuthing is not. I am not stating emphatically that you should not use those methods. However, I am encouraging you to think them through very carefully as you try to know if your spouse is cheating before employing them.
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If you have the slightest doubt, talk with a wise friend, minister, or counselor before taking such a step. From my experience with many marriages in crisis, I believe it much wiser to ask, confront, and diligently pursue the truth directly with your mate than to use outside sources, technology, or violation of privacy.
However, if you feel you must, proceed with the awareness of possible consequences. What Else Can You Do? If you seriously worry that your spouse is having an affair and are not ready or willing to violate her privacy to discover whether you are correct, I strongly recommend another method.
Insist that she go with you to counseling or to an intensive marriage workshop like ours. Tell her that you cannot be assured until she does, and that you are not making a request but a requirement for the sake of your marriage.
Ask Ammanda: My husband keeps cheating
If you know a counselor in whom you have confidence, schedule an appointment. However, it carries a strong likelihood. During the weekend, for example, people often privately confess their affairs to their spouses, and because they had an entire weekend with trained and skilled helpers, they deal with the affair there. On the other hand, people who doubted their spouses have attended the weekend and left with the reassurance that their doubts were invalid and with the marriage intact.
Living in doubt is destructive. Truth sets one free. The method for learning the truth can make the difference in saving the marriage or ending it forever. Below are signs that your partner is unfaithful to you. But do not jump to a conclusion without having some concrete proof with you. Before you react angrily and take some hasty decision, relax and check the tips below to see what to do when you find out your husband is having an affair:.
It is devastating to find out that your husband is having an affair, but before you jump into any conclusions, make sure you take proper care to know the truth. Only when you are convinced that he is indeed having an affair or if you really feel something is not right, confront him and talk to him about it. Have you ever been through the difficult situation yourself or seen a friend go through this? Do share your tips and experience on how to deal with an unfaithful husband.
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